


heliotrope

by fullsan



Series: flowers for kang minhee [2]
Category: Cravity (Band), Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22559395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullsan/pseuds/fullsan
Summary: He liked how Jungmo held his hand and hugged him close, he liked when Jungmo spent the night or when he called him late at night, he liked to dance with him and look at each other in the mirror. He couldn’t stop thinking about the feeling that grew up in his chest when they won and he wanted to kiss Jungmo like his best friends were kissing.But Jungmo wasn’t for Minhee, and he just had to accept it.
Relationships: Kang Minhee/Koo Jungmo
Series: flowers for kang minhee [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559485
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	heliotrope

**Author's Note:**

> the date minhee never told anyone about,  
> just him
> 
> heliotrope — eternal love

If Minhee closed his eyes, he could remember perfectly the first time he pushed those feelings away.

Minhee was really an affectionate person. He grew up loving. Minhee liked to love, and being loved. Holding hands, giving hugs, kissed. Everything was so natural for him as waking up in the morning and having some hot milk with cookies. He always kissed both cheeks instead of saying goodbye, he always liked to hold hands or hold onto someone’s arm. Minhee was like that.

He liked reading. Since he started reading, Minhee discovered a new world. It was amazing, how he was able to find comfort in them, how he felt like he was able to fly to another place, have another life. Feel things. Imagine experimenting things one would never feel. Know about other’s, know about the history of the world. Minhee loved the power words held. He always tried to see everything with a different perspective. He knew he wasn’t like the rest. He liked it better this way.

He was lying in his bed next to Hyeongjun. It was comfortable. It always was. Minhee liked Hyeongjun’s company the most. He used to rely on him a lot. They were through many things. Maybe way too many. He always returned to him. Being with his best friend while he was thinking about Jungmo reminded him of how he used to push these feelings before in the past, how he came to ignore them.

“Jun, I need to tell you something”

“What it is?”

“I think I like Jungmo”

Hyeongjun said nothing. He didn’t need to say anything. He knew Minhee. Minhee knew Hyeongjun knew him. They smiled, and held hands again. 

“How did you know?”

“When we won last week. I really thought about it. A lot. But I can’t. You know I really can’t”

“Should I never bring up the topic again?”

“Yes”

He knew it how important was friendship for Minhee. Yeah, it was true that he wanted to be in a relationship, that he hoped for someone that held his hand in a different way rather than just having his friends holding them. Because at the end of the day, there was no one to kiss him on the lips and wish him goodnight. Because for Minhee, friendship was everything he had and he wouldn’t risk it. Not him. 

He wasn’t brave like Hyeongjun and Wonjin, who loved each other. He was a coward. He couldn’t afford liking any of them, too, pushing the feelings until they disappeared. He knew he could do the same with what he was feeling for Jungmo. 

He liked how Jungmo held his hand and hugged him close, he liked when Jungmo spent the night or when he called him late at night, he liked to dance with him and look at each other in the mirror. He couldn’t stop thinking about the feeling that grew up in his chest when they won and he wanted to kiss Jungmo like his best friends were kissing. 

But Jungmo wasn’t for Minhee, and he just had to accept it.

  
  
  
  


Minhee was wearing the school uniform he had already forgotten on his closed. It gave him good memories. Memories of the first time he spent christmas with his friends. It was one of the memories he treasured the most. They went to Lotte World together, then spent the night at home. All of them. Minhee liked everything about that day. His heart ached, thinking about how Jungmo chose that place for their date. He also knew it. He smiled a little, holding Jungmo’s hand. 

“You remembered”

“Of course I remember, you are the boy I have been liking for years, Minhee”

He smiled sadly, wishing he could say the same. His feelings for Jungmo died the day he decided we wasn’t allowed to feel that, the same way he didn’t allow himself to choose arts over literature, the same way he doesn’t allow himself to say out loud that he likes Yunseong. Minhee is pretty bad at acknowledging his own feelings. He knows it. He has to live with it. 

He remembered how they were riding the carousel, both in the same horse. It was cold and Minhee liked being close to Jungmo. He just compiled at Minhee’s pouting.

“Hyung, do you like amusement parks?”

“I do, you?”

“I like them a lot. I always thought of them as my ideal first date place. I want my future boyfriend to hold my hand and buy me ice cream, ride the ferris wheel together and kiss when we are up there. Ah… Saying it out loud makes me sound stupid”

But Jungmo smiled, hugging Minhee closer. He knew it right there, that he would take Minhee on his first date together to the same place. That he would buy him ice cream and do everything he wanted to do.

“I think you read way too many manga, Mini”

“Is it too cliché?”

“It is, but it sounds like you”

Minhee’s cheeks tilted in a soft pink, and Jungmo wished he could kiss them.

Years later, Jungmo still wished he could kiss them. He wished he could kiss all the freckles Minhee had over his face. 

Jungmo wore the school uniform he only got to wear for a year, the same uniform he wore when he saw Minhee again at school. His back rested in the entrance of Lotte World, in December, as he remembered how it was almost 2 years after they went all together for the first time. It was there when Minhee knew he wanted his boyfriend to take him there on the first date. He knew Minhee with every detail, not because he was too invested in his one sided love, but because Minhee liked to share. He liked to share, metaphorically and physically, all about him, all he had. He knew that Minhee would love that. 

He thought his world would end when, last night, they won the contest. The contest that was supposed to mean so much for him, the contest in which he would confess to Minhee after. But he didn't. 

Instead, Minhee came to him crying. Jungmo hugged him back, crying too. Their cheeks pressed to each other, no longer knowing which tears were of the other. The proximity between their bodies was just like their hearts. Jungmo felt his heart ache. Minhee couldn't stop sobbing, and Jungmo knew something was wrong. Minhee wasn't crying because they won. Minhee was sad. Minhee was crying because he was sad. 

Between his sobs, Jungmo only understood that Minhee loved him. He wished he loved him in the same way he was in love with him. He wished that the reason of why Minhee told him that they should go together on a date was because he still had a chance. 

Because Jungmo didn't like Minhee. 

Jungmo was in love with Minhee. 

He still remembered how Hyeongjun looked at him that time, after they had dinner in and Minhee fell asleep in the sofa; fierce eyes, almost if he didn't want his friends to like each other. 

_"_ Stop looking at him like that _"_

But Jungmo knew he couldn't stop looking at Minhee with the same eyes. He smiled, looking how Minhee appeared in this field of view, wearing his uniform too. Just like the first time. 

“If you really like him, you should confess. It’s been 2 years, Jungmo”

Hyeongjun knew Minhee liked Jungmo even before Minhee could imagine it, because we are talking about his best friend. But Hyeongjun also knew that Minhee decided to reject his feelings. Because he didn't feel enough. Because, he couldn't stand the idea of losing Jungmo. And Hyeongjun decided to respect Minhee, because he wanted his best friend to fall in love freely. He wanted his friend to meet someone who made him feel happy and confident about himself. That's why, when Jungmo said he would go to Europe, he said nothing. 

That's why, when the new year came and Jungmo told the group chat, he was already on his way to Minhee’s room, who was just looking at nothing.

“Did you know it?”

Minhee’s voice was broken, almost unable to hear. Hyeongjun just hugged him and nodded. 

Now that Minhee was holding hands with Jungmo, entering the park, those memories were forgotten. Instead, he just wanted to remember the happy ones they made. Minhee was happy having Jungmo all for himself, in an amusement park. He still remembers how Wonjin fought with a girl who tried to skip the line, or how Hyeongjun complained until Eunsang bought the cotton candy for him, or how he wanted to eat ice cream but they didn’t let him because he had to eat proper food.

“Are you happy?”

He nodded, pulling himself closer to Jungmo and giving him a peak on his cheek.

“Very”

Jungmo smiled and squeezed Minhee’s hand. He knew it wasn’t real, the atmosphere between them. He knew Minhee was trying his best to be like they were, to be like nothing happened between them. And he wanted to held into the feeling. Because having Minhee in a date, as if nothing happened, was the thing he wished the most of. Because Minhee’s smile was the brightest, and Jungmo wanted to believe it was because of him. 

“Yes, I am happy because I am with you”

Minhee replied, just as if he was listening to Jungmo’s thoughts, stopping on his tracks and looking to hold his other hand. Once he had both hands, he looked directly at Jungmo’s eyes. Minhee always liked that Jungmo had the same height as him.

“What do you want to do, Mogu?”

“Whatever you want to do is fine”

“Can we get matching hats or something… Or ears...”

Jungmo laughed, trying not to look at Minhee’s sparkling eyes. He knew the power he held when he pleaded with those eyes, and he knew that Jungmo couldn’t say no.

“Why do you want that?”

“Because last time we didn’t get matching-something and everyone who comes here has one...”

“Hmm… should we?”

“Pleeasee”

Minhee let go both hands to hug Jungmo, almost resting all his weight on Jungmo’s, who didn’t expect that but somehow managed to hug Minhee back, leaning into the touch. The weather was nice, families, friends and couples were around them, enjoying the Sunday. Just like them.

“Give me a good reason and I will do it”

His face lightened up, facing Jungmo again.

“Because this is our first date”

The words came out from his mouth as if it was nothing, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Jungmo smiled quite sadly, leaving Minhee thinking about if the choice of words was appropriate. He leaned into Jungmo’s touch on his face, smiling again.

“Okay. But just because you called it a date”

Jungmo started looking in all directions, probably searching for the store. When he found it, he offered his hand again to Minhee, but he was just standing there, looking at Jungmo, frowning.

“What happens?”

“Hyung”

“Yes?”

“This is a date”

“Yeah. I wanted to ask you out on a date and yesterday you said you wanted to go on a date so… Here we are”

“This is a date”

“Yes…?”

Minhee was trying to convey his feelings with his gaze, failing miserably. Jungmo was looking at him, puzzled, trying to understand the boy he was crazy for.

“Mini, are y-”

“Hyung, I am taking this date seriously...” 

He looked away, but Jungmo didn’t miss the slight pink that colored his cheeks.

“I.. Really want to have a proper date with you. Today… It’s just us two”

Jungmo looked away too now, hiding his blush and holding Minhee’s hand, saying nothing until they got into the door and had to ask Minhee which one he would like to buy. 

Minhee had a hard time thinking about if it was a good idea to tell Jungmo that, if it was a good idea to hide everything from Yunseong. He felt as if he was going something wrong, even if he wasn't. He was doing what it felt as right, following the words Yunseong told him once. 

He put a white bear headband on Jungmo's, smiling brightly and pinching his cheeks after. Jungmo looked the cutest. He didn't miss the opportunity and took a picture, wishing he could remember that day forever.

When Jungmo said that it was unfair he didn't have an opportunity, Minhee thought about it. Day and night, even if he tried not to. Jungmo was his friend. He always was. Yunseong made him feel in months something Jungmo didn't. He wondered if the situation would be different if he had asked Jungmo to be his boyfriend instead.

Maybe, if Minhee had allowed himself to feel right from the start, he wouldn’t be in that situation.

  
  
  


The memories overwhelmed him, coming one by one, as if Minhee saw all his lifetime going through his eyes. Jungmo was born to dance. Minhee knew it, and he wished Jungmo could see the same. He sparkled the most, a big smile plastered on his face, making the audience fall in love with both his charms and his dance. It was him. Just him. It was as if Minhee couldn’t see his best friends dancing with Jungmo too, because he only had eyes for his favorite hyung. He remembered how much he loved to stay up all night dancing with Jungmo, even if he wasn’t good enough, because watching Jungmo dance and happy was one of the favorite things in Minhee’s world. He remembered those nights watching the stars together, when we went to get ice cream, when he watched a dumb movie, when Jungmo listened to all his rambles about his books, when Jungmo did everything he wanted. At it came at Minhee, all at once. The feelings he neglected the most, the feelings he tried so hard to ignore.

It was supposed to be a love story. A perfect love story he deliberately chose to reject. Because Minhee remembered how he told Hyeongjun that he didn’t like Jungmo, that he didn’t want to talk about it. If you don’t see it, if you don’t say it out loud, it doesn’t exist. Minhee realized he lived like that.

Except the fact that he was completely wrong.

Because Jungmo told him that he was in love with him right from the start.

The looks they gave each other, the gestures, how their hands touched or how he reacted, the dedication Jungmo put on their relationship, how it was him. Always him.

And everything went wrong. 

Because he still remembered how Hyeongjun asked him if he was going to be okay without Jungmo, if he still felt something for him. Minhee ignored Hyeongjun, hoping that his best friend knew the answer already.

He thought that maybe, if he was braver, Jungmo wouldn’t have need to go away. 

Maybe they could be happy and in love now. 

The tears couldn’t stop falling from his face, and he felt like his heart break in a million pieces. Jungmo was right. He deserved an opportunity. But not now, many years ago. Minhee was so blind, Minhee was so stupid. And it hurted. It hurted, because there are some things that can’t be fixed, some things that can’t be saved.

And Minhee knew it was too late for them.

Because he was already in love with someone else. 

Eunsang was confused, trying to comfort his friend and asking him if he was okay, if he needed something else. He looked to the stage, now empty, looking for Hyeongjun’s gaze, for someone’s. Minhee knew he should stop. So he nodded and sucked all his feelings, forcing them to be pushed again at the bottom of his heart. 

Because not everyday you notice you have been in love with your best friend when it’s already too late. 

  
  


So, when Minhee saw Jungmo again, he wished he could be forever in his arms. For a moment, he allowed himself to be the Minhee who liked Jungmo three years ago, he allowed himself to feel everything he didn’t let himself feel. He noticed how his head seems to have a special place, just for him, in Jungmo’s chest. He looked worried at Minhee, his heart aching for seeing him crying.

Minhee lifted his chin slowly, looking at Jungmo’s eyes. He wished it was enough. He wished Jungmo understood that, he was trying to tell him that he loved him. That he, literally, loved him. He bit his lip, and Jungmo looked away, shy. He needed to tell him. He wanted to tell him, that he loved how he danced, that he was his inspiration for who he was today, that he couldn’t be without him, that he wished he noticed sooner, that he was sorry for loving someone else. 

But no words came from his mouth, just his loud sobbing and his heart aching.

Jungmo nuzzled his head on Minhee’s shoulder, pulling him closer.

“Mini, it’s okay. I’m here. I love you too, Minhee. Thank you for coming”

Minhee broke in a loud sob, worrying now Hyeongjun and Wonjin, who were watching the scene from afar. Yes, Jungmo was right. He was here. He was always there. Everything would be okay. With Jungmo, Minhee felt safe. In Jungmo, Minhee always found home. It was just amazing, how well they fitted together. Maybe that was why Minhee got so scared, maybe that’s why he couldn’t stand the idea of losing Jungmo. 

“Take me on that date tomorrow, hyung”

Their eyes connected again, and it felt as if all the air had disappeared. Just them, holding each other, their faces so close. It was right there. Jungmo looked at Minhee’s lips, a little bit plumped. Jungmo smiled, thinking about the habit Minhee had of biting his lips when he couldn’t bring himself to say something he was dying to say. 

He could have kissed Minhee right there. Minhee was also looking at his lips, and their noses touched each other. He could, but he didn’t. He kissed Minhee’s forehead instead, smiling after seeing for Minhee had a smile plastered on his face.

“Always for you, my baby”

Minhee wished Jungmo would keep his word.

He laid down in the grass, sighing loudly. Jungmo sat next to him, as a normal person would, leaving the drinks they bought aside and trying to lift Minhee from the floor because they had to put the blanket or it would be too cold. The date went smoothly, just as their normal meetings. They talked about common things, about the park, they ate candy together and they took pictures together. There was nothing different between them. It was just them. Jungmo and Minhee. Minhee and Jungmo. 

Finally, Minhee got up and grabbed his bag, pulling out of it a medium sized bento box he prepared for them. Jungmo's eyes lightened up, clapping happily along with Minhee's laugh. 

"I missed your food so much" 

"I am scared. It's been a long time since Hyeongjun let me cook"

"You don't cook anymore?" 

Minhee opened the box, revealing one layer full of rice with small pieces of ham and egg, at equal parts. Just like Jungmo liked it. 

"I don't. Hyeongjun says I should spend all my time studying rather than cooking when he is at home" 

"But isn't he tired too of dancing?" 

At the same time Minhee was opening the second layer of fried chicken and some sandwiches, Jungmo put their drinks closer and peaked the food. Minhee pouted and Jungmo laughed. Like always. 

"He is. But you already know how he is" 

"Minhee first, everything else second"

They laughed along as Minhee handed Jungmo the chopsticks.

"It's more like Wonjin first, Minhee second" 

"Well, for me you are the first"

He smiled more, mouth filled with rice.

"You know, you saying those words it's nothing knew, but it's just that know… It hits differently. Because I know you don't mean it in a friendly way" 

Jungmo sighed, grabbing a piece of chicken, eager to eat it.

"It's because you're dumb. Everyone would understand that with comparison I am saying that I like you" 

"I am not dumb" 

Minhee was fidgeting, nervous of Jungmo tasting his food. All his worries went away when Jungmo closed his eyes and let himself enjoy it, grabbing another piece of chicken almost immediately.

"Hyung, you have to eat rice too, not only chicken" 

"But you know I love how you cook chicken" 

"Is it good?" 

"Yeah. It tastes better because we are together" 

It was true. 

Everything was better when they were together. Even spending time alone, saying nothing, one in the sofa watching the TV while the other was reading, their feet touching each other; they dancing, they walking hand by hand. 

His heart ached again at the memories of them together, smiling at the food. It was quite interesting, how something can hurt you and at the same time make you happy. Because that day, Minhee didn't want to think about anyone else. Just Jungmo. His hyung. The person he treasured the most.

"Don't be a child… Let's go?" 

Minhee tightened the grip of his hands with the streetlight while Jungmo tried to pull him, with his hands in his hips. 

"Hyung, you know I hate them" 

"I will buy you ice cream after?" 

"No!!" 

"Mini… I am doing everything you said you would like to do on your first date. You said it yourself" 

Minhee felt the fingers of Jungmo linger along his hips, rubbing small circles. He relaxed, letting go the streetlight and putting his hands on top of Jungmo's, keeping them close. 

"I know… But I'm scared" 

He was like a frightened kitten. Jungmo cooed, resting his chin on Minhee's shoulder. Minhee bit his lip, because that was something Yunseong liked to do constantly with him. While he was reading, while they were outside, while he was cooking, when they were sleeping, when they were cuddling. He was starting to believe that his shoulder had a hole for Yunseong to put his chin there. 

Jungmo remembered how they stood in front of the Terror House, almost half an hour, with Hyeongjun and Minhee screaming at each other. Minhee prefers romance over tragedy, Minhee prefers comedy over terror. Everyone knew that. Everyone knew that, but were trying to force Minhee into entering the horror house with even even if the latter was at the verge of crying. Finally, Jungmo put an end to the arguing and said that he would wait outside with Minhee; because that was what worried Hyeongjun the most, he didn't want to leave Minhee alone while they waited for the queue and entered the house. He remembered that it was cold, really cold. They were lucky today because even if it was winter already, the weather felt nice.

Minhee and he sat on a bench, looking at the castle, right next to the house his friends were screaming in. Jungmo handed him his ice-cream, making Minhee smile almost immediately. Jungmo spoke again. 

"Do you know that they are actors, right?" 

"I know, but I am still scared. And I have other plans for me and that house" 

Jungmo snorted and Minhee hit him. 

"Don't tell me. You also want to go there with your boyfriend"

"Yeah! I want to enter there with someone who makes me want to enter, someone who makes me feel safe enough to be brave, someone who would comfort me if I end up crying there" 

" _I am here_ " 

But Jungmo's words died in his throat. He never said them, and just took notes. For the future. For now. He loosen the grip of Minhee's hips to back hug him, letting his chin completely rest on Minhee's shoulders. He felt the younger melt at the touch, putting his head closer and nuzzling them. The feeling of warmth in Jungmo's heart grew so big. 

It was just a moment, some touches. Nothing out of the normal, nothing that they didn't do before. But there, it felt so intimate, as if they were alone hugging in an empty room. Jungmo closed his eyes, wishing he could have Minhee like that. Forever. 

"I know I am not Yunseong, but I-" 

"No, hyung. I want to go. With you" 

Minhee turned around in a fast movement, leaving Jungmo with his arms open, looking for his place again in Jungmo's chest. 

"You also make me feel safe, hyung" 

Jungmo stopped on his tracks, watching from afar how Minhee was looking at himself in the room full of mirror. It was a perfect representation of their relationship, Jungmo always watched Minhee from afar. Close with each other, but at the same time so far. He wished he could know what was Minhee thinking about. Minhee was thinking about all his feelings, how he managed to create that situation. He just wished for more intimate affection and pictures, and everything was going well. He didn't want to hurt Jungmo. 

He couldn't stop looking at the sad expression Minhee had, how his hand grabbed nothing, pushing the glass. Until he saw Jungmo. And, like always, Minhee lifted his gaze and greeted Jungmo with a smile. 

"Hyung" 

Jungmo got closer to Minhee, hugging him again. He wouldn't let that opportunity pass, he couldn't let Minhee to be sad in the day he knew he anticipated the most. They had almost no time left. 

"Let's go" 

Minhee didn't need Jungmo to say more. They walked hand by hand, until they arrived at the Ferris Wheel. He looked at the top, with a small smile. The sun was almost gone, the last rays of orange light illuminating the park. 

Then, Minhee pressed his hands against the crystal, close to the window and admiring the view. Jungmo smiled, seated in front of Minhee. The day was coming to an end. 

"Did you have fun, Mini" 

"I did" 

Silence filled the small cubicle, until Minhee spoke again. Jungmo looked for his eyes, but they were watching outside. He didn't knew if he was looking at something in specific or just.. Looking far away. 

"I don't understand love very well. No one taught me. I thought I knew enough about it, reading and watching all the things I did. But it wasn't enough. I didn't allow myself to feel" 

Jungmo nooded, now looking through the window too. 

"Do you think that it is human to love someone so easily?”

"It could be. Feelings are not attached to reasons, Mini" 

He smiled, turning his head and looking at Jungmo, who returned the gaze. 

"Is that why we can also hate each other just as easily?" 

There he was, Minhee. Minhee and his thinking. Minhee and his view about the world. 

"Are you worrying about Yunseong?" 

He nodded. Jungmo liked that about Minhee. He knew he didn't do it with a bad intention, but he felt happy knowing that Minhee still trusted him to talk about his feelings, about the person he liked. Even if it wasn't him. 

"It's hard to believe that I fell for him so fast. That he fell for me too. What gives me the certainty of that this is real? What if I am risking, or giving my everything for nothing?" 

Jungmo fidget with his fingers, not daring to look up. He couldn't see how Minhee was now, considering how his voice sounded.

"Well, you will never know if you don't risk it. Every feeling is valid, even if it's new, unsure or unstable"

"Hyeongjun always says the same" 

"What exactly?" 

"That I should allow myself to feel" 

"That's true. You know he is right" 

"He is" 

"Do you trust Yunseong?" 

"I do. Thanks to him now I know how this feels like"

Jungmo smiled, raising his head again to find Minhee looking at him with the same fondness he found in his eyes when he danced, when he read his favorite story, when he looked at the stars in the dark sky, when he looked at him yesterday after they won. Minhee's eyes screamed love. Jungmo wanted to reciprocate them. 

"Sometimes I wish it was him. It could have been me"

"I wished the same. I am sorry I didn't notice before" 

"It's okay" 

"No, it isn't"

Minhee handed, literally, his hands to Jungmo. He took them, smiling at Minhee. 

"You asked me why I cried yesterday. You knew I wasn't crying for the price" 

He nodded, making small circles in Minhee's hands. 

"I realized something. Something I should have noticed sooner. I loved you, hyung. I liked you. But I was scared. I didn't even let the feeling grow. As soon as I realized I had it, I pushed it. But the same event happened. The difference was that I wasn't by your side. I wished I was"

Jungmo extended his arms, ready to hold a Minhee who was trying so hard to not cry, breathing with some difficulties. He himself had difficulties too, trying to not break down crying after hearing those words. Minhee liked him. Minhee realized he liked him the same day as him. He missed 3 years and let Minhee fall in love with someone else, because he didn't chose to keep it as a secret, but also hided. He went away. He didn't want to face Minhee. And then, he came back. Jungmo bit his lip, hearing Minhee let go a sob and then feeling a grab on his t-shirt. He caressed Minhee's back, trying to keep the cabinet stabilized. The sun was no longer shining, weak rays that attempted to keep the world illuminated. 

"Mini…" 

"Hyung I am sorry. I am sorry. I wish I could love you now. But I can't. Because my heart is already somewhere else. It hurts. I don't understand, why it has to hurt. Why it hurts me, when you are the one who is hurting the most? Why is this making me so sad?"

Minhee's eyes were filled with sadness, Jungmo knew it even if he didn't mention it. Of course it hurted. Minhee was afraid, afraid of losing Jungmo forever. Because the Jungmo who helped him, the Jungmo what was by his side, was the Jungmo that loved him. The Jungmo that was in love with him. 

But Minhee was in love with someone else. 

And Jungmo will be too. 

And that's what scared Minhee the most. Will Jungmo leave his side when that happens? Will their relationship change? Will Jungmo hide again, go to a far country just to not see him? 

"I wonder… Why can’t I be good enough? What did Yunseong do that I didn't? Wasn't I a good boyfriend today?" 

Minhee closed his eyes, smiling a little. Jungmo appreciated Minhee tried to still appear happy even if his voice was cracked and his cheeks wet. 

"You were the best. You are enough. I felt really happy today. I… Now I feel I did what I wished for in the past. You did everything I wanted to for my first date. You remembered everything. I hoped you remembered. And you did"

Jungmo knew it. He didn't do everything. Only one thing was left: his first kiss. Minhee wished his first kiss was there, at the top. Jungmo looked outside, but saw nothing. The sun was already hidden, and they almost at the floor. He hugged Minhee again, trying to not look at his eyes. 

He thought about all the times he could have kissed Minhee but he didn't. When they won the dance contest together, when they went to Lotte World the first time, when Minhee graduated, when Minhee asked him if he kissed anybody before before sleeping, when drunk Minhee swore he loved him so he had to kiss him, when he confessed, or when he won yesterday. Every moment he could remember, seemed like a right moment to kiss Minhee. 

Except this one. Now. 

The moment he waited for, the moment he planned a lot of times in his head. He wanted to kiss Minhee there. Slowly, caring, loving. 

But he didn't. 

Because even if he wanted to try it, to know how it feels like at least once in his life, even if he cried or his heart ached, even if he couldn't stop loving Minhee, they missed their opportunity. 

It could have been their love story, but it wasn't.

  
  
  
  


They stood side to side, looking at the dark sky. Their hands interlocked, Minhee talking to Jungmo about how amazing is the lights parade they put on last year and how the fireworks would go on after that. Jungmo smiled, resting his head on Minhee's shoulder, receiving a hug from the younger and pulling him closer. 

The fireworks exploded in the sky, brilliant colors and figures. Minhee clapped at some, claiming Jungmo's attention. His smile was bright, pure, sincere. That was his favorite Minhee, the Minhee who enjoyed himself, the Minhee which eyes sparkled the most. 

The Minhee he fell in love with. 

Lights plastered in Minhee's face, making him glow. Jungmo got reminded of when Minhee looked at the lanterns, last month. And something inside him burned. A voice screamed that he should do it. 

When Minhee came closer again, Jungmo touched his cheek. Slowly, with care, just how he know Minhee liked. The smile on his face grew bigger, until their eyes connected again. Minhee's face lightened up again, but with a bright red on his cheeks. Jungmo pulled him closer, eyeing Minhee's lips. 

But it wasn't him the one who did it.

It was just as if the fireworks were exploding inside him, when Minhee kissed him. His lips over his, his bodies pressed together and Minhee's arms over his shoulders. It was tender, sweet and slow. Just as he imagined it to be. Just as Minhee was. 

But Minhee actually wanted to do it. Because he wanted to let Jungmo know that he loved him, even if he couldn't love him back in the same way. Because a kiss could convey all his feelings, because words would never be enough between them.

They got separated, Minhee smiling at Jungmo with both his eyes and lips. Jungmo opened his mouth a bit, but Minhee kissed him again. It was short, almost unnoticed. 

He got separated from him, the distance between their bodies grew. It was cold. The fireworks ended. 

But this time, Jungmo smiled too.

Because thanks to him, Minhee was smiling.

"Thank you for today, hyung. I love you" 

_Cry, if someday the two of us grow distant._

_And even if I lose all the words, I have You._

_You are my everything._

_Because even if we grow apart,_

_I'll always love you._

"I love you too, Minhee" 

**Author's Note:**

> If you're new, this fic is mainly based on an event of my [hwangmini au](https://twitter.com/minilaun/status/1179509225338343424) in twitter! 
> 
> In case you all wondered what happened in that date Minhee never talked about to Yunseong. 
> 
> thank you so much for reading!!
> 
> also happy birthday to mogu, since I am publishing this on his birthday!!!!!


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